Modern moms can easily learn a lot about the proper upbringing of the child and find tips on almost every issue on the Internet, it would wish. A lot of information on this topic are also available on the website “9GAC” under the heading “Child Psychology.” . And if you are reading this article, then you have it. So, I want to share their experiences and give some advice to those parents whose child has celebrated its second anniversary.
Surely you have noticed that in two years the kids are a bit more than a pleasure for parents and others. They already know how to do many things for yourself and even help someone you know, start to eat on their own, partially dress and undress, learn to express their thoughts and proposals may be for some time to play without adult intervention. When my child has reached that age, I was happy, more time to do gladly went with him to the shops and was glad that I had growing this little angel. By the way, greatly helped me and the article “How to Raise a Confident and Happy Child” , I found it on the best site on the web – site” 9GAC “ ! But after only 4-5 months angel became stubborn, capricious and show his “I”, first my husband, and then to all others. He started the crisis three years.
That he did not become a stubborn bully, I had to learn the views of friends moms and experts on the topic of the third year of the crisis. I draw your attention to the fact that it is correct to say so, and not a crisis of three years, as many say. Because it’s time to start after 2 years, and the peak of the crisis period, according to scientists, it accounts for 2.5-3 years. The same age and friends called me to parents whose children have crossed the age of 2.5 years. Of course, these figures are provisional, and the development of each child is unique. However, in the article I will use the two formulations as synonyms.
The general consensus of psychologists is to ensure that the third year of life, the child begins to feel and explore their “I”. After all, now it is almost independent, knows a lot and is able! The easiest way to express their individuality, crumbs from the position – to express opinions opposing point of view of others. Therefore, the child and begins to argue with you, “I do not want mess there,” “I will not go for a walk”, “aircraft do not need me, I want to bear” and the like. He struggles to defend their views and, as you probably noticed, is very happy, if it succeeds. If not – the reaction will be the opposite, until the tantrums. Personally, my baby all rarely ended with a loud and prolonged crying, but my friend’s daughter, when she began three years of crisis, periodically arranged “concerts”, which no one for 10-20 minutes, he could not stop.
Looking ahead, I will say that their situation has improved markedly when the girl began to go in developing club and more to interact with other kids. I also want to draw your attention to the fact that the same can not suppress a child does not listen to him. This has a negative impact on his self-esteem.
Which of the two words on to?
Everyone knows that children sometimes tend not to obey, to be capricious. So how do you distinguish between a crisis of caprice? Let’s start with a simple, on a whim – the unexpected, spontaneous desire to do anything. For example, a child asks in a machine shop, he did not buy it, he is upset, crying, but soon forgot about it and wants to have a candy bar or something else. If he gives it – everything is fine. The crisis – a sharp change in behavior and difficult transition period – all the more difficult. To overcome it, you will need patience and time.
As the researchers note this theme Lyudmila Kalmykov: “Any crisis – it is an internal conflict between” want “and” can. ” That is, if the whim child is upset because of what he is asked to do something that he does not want (or do not do what he needs), during the crisis the cause of his discontent is in disagreement with his opinion and the desire to do in their own way. A “on its own” two-three years old then – not as others want. For example, my child, seeing that I turn on the washing machine, I wanted to do it myself, but did not have time – I pressed the button “start”. In tears, I reacted instantly, turning off the machine force and saying that he can turn it on. But this son was no longer necessary, he continued to cry, saying: “I will not include!” That is, he still wants to do it, but does not, because he is, unexpectedly for himself, allowed.
The road from the prohibition to advertising
During this period it is very difficult to get the desired child. So what to do, so that the situation does not spiral out of control? All permit? Of course not. “The child grows this robber, if all permit it. So I daughter in no way deny “ , – the approximate quote the words of Baba Yaga movie. But to forbid everything that you do not agree, too, not worth it. Otherwise, the child may become a weak-willed and easily comply with all and sundry. Therefore, I advise you to decide for yourself that you can never make your daze (cross the road by the hand, throwing food on the floor, etc.), and what you can tolerate (for example, I allow a little child to lie in the snow). At the same time careful not to enter a lot of categorical prohibitions, rarely use the word “no”, and always argue their words. So, my son has clearly learned that it is not necessary to eat a lot of candy, and he says, “and the teeth ache.” Believe me, if the child understands the motivation, he wants to fulfill the requirement itself. It will help in this method such as skazkoterapiya. It has long been popular in the West, came to us recently, but has already managed to win the love of so many mothers and professionals.
And remember, the child argues with you not to annoy you, or check the verge of acceptable behavior, he examines the awareness of oneself as a person, as an individual. And you, parents should help him in this!
By the way, what it means to help?
It is important to understand that to help and do the work for the child – are two different things. “I myself” or “I myself”, you constantly hear from the child and see how he clumsily unbuttoned jacket or trying to pull a sock. I advise you not to disturb him in this – and suddenly get ?! If not, then he will ask you for help, and then you’re with him do it. We, for example, remove a jacket so I undo the button, and the son – the zipper. As a result, I am satisfied that quickly, and baby is happy that he did.
In addition to the above, the share has a number of ways to achieve the desired result of the fumes. When my son does not want to listen to me, I sometimes use incentives – to the surprise of my friends, it works fine. For example, if you now go to bed – tomorrow I’ll bake you a delicious apple pie. However, I always keep a promise. But the effect is not at all, if you are not the child taught to this, do not expect that it will work immediately. Need time.
Another way to get the child to do what you want
it’s fantasy . Children in this age willingly believe in miracles (if you are not dissuaded in this), so fantasize, invent games, through which the child will listen to you. Remember the brilliant director of the kindergarten approach Troshkina (Yevgeny Leonov) in the movie “Gentlemen of Fortune” for breakfast? Children do not like to eat, and eventually gobbled up all together to learn about canceling breakfast and impending flight into space!
Another tip, if your children of the crisis three years – try to foresee the protest of your offspring, and, accordingly, do not let it.
Here is one example. It is difficult to find a child who would not want your fingers to get to a computer, laptop or phone. And if you will take away this “toy”, begin big whims. Son is conferred once my smartphone. I ask him to return because “the phone – my,” I say. “No, my” – objects to the son. “Why is it yours?” – I ask. “There – my pictures” – the answer struck me, and counter-arguments are not even found. On the advice of the authors of works on this subject, I try to use an analog method – Encourage your child to play in his children’s phones (we have 3), but it did not help. We had to turn our attention , to distract the child’s other toys, and then pick up a communication device. So try less time to use these “stimuli”. And if you sat at the computer, and give your child a little “work”.
With regard to the analogue method, and one day he helped us. The child got to my father’s toolbox and began to take out the heavy hammer that away from him was almost impossible. Once he reached there and found a hammer, we are told that he has a red hammer, which is better and more beautiful, and gave a toy counterpart. So the problem with dangerous object has been solved.
And the most relevant on the eve of New Year holidays : if you are a family gathered for a Christmas tree, or you will come to visit the baby unfamiliar people prepare their child for this in advance . Because otherwise his response is likely to be negative, and you have a long time to calm him. If you go with your child to the theater or somewhere else, come in 20-30 minutes before the start. This time is necessary to the young audience to get comfortable. And if he does not want to go somewhere, do not make, and even more so do not drag him by force, learn to negotiate . The fact that the child is difficult to quickly switch from one to another, as opposed to adult. Here he rides in the car with you, after 5 minutes, he was in an unfamiliar room, you quickly undress him and guide into the hall, where he had never been, and which is full of strangers. For a child it is a very complex and rapid changes in the scene.
Another tip: do not try, putting things in order in the apartment alone to clean clothes and baby toys. So, my son used to did not seem to notice that I have to clean up after them cars, puzzles, blocks, and now everything was different. If a mother collected toys or designer in the box, he resorts and pours out all the floor: ‘No! I myself am able. ” So advice is this: ask your child to clean the place of their things on their own (or with your help), explain why this is necessary. It is important to say something conclusive: if you do not get toys that pussy will play them, and they get lost, run away to another boy, etc. When the baby is put down, be sure to praise him. Praise – a great incentive to remember.
Next Tip a colleague suggested to me . As she put it, to get what you want from the young two-three individual need for it to become an advertising agent . “We need to be interested, tell the possible consequences of this act, to paint vivid images, which resulted in the child do as you need,” – she explained. And, indeed, it works. For example, if my son does not want to go outside, I tell him that’s where we are blind snowman, ride his favorite roller coaster, see cat, birds, etc. And always after this he himself wants to soon run out for a walk.
The eternal question: what to do?
Well, if the worst did happen, and your baby is crying resentfully, because they do not get their own, behave properly. I call the right kind of behavior that would be nice to get back; that is, treat the child the way you would like it to behave with you.
1. Do not raise your voice (though sometimes it is very difficult to hold back) and do not punish the young person (if it is not done nothing egregious).
2. Say that you understand why he is upset, ask what you should do for him.
3. Have pity on him and promised to do something good (to play his favorite game or treat something tasty) for him.
4. Try to switch his attention to something else, that it is usually very interesting. We have the role of “switch” serves wonderful kitten. When the son sees him and begins to play with it, everything else fades into the background. If a kitten (birds, fish and other pets) no account can attract a big car or a dog behind a window, a favorite song or a cartoon. At its experience and that of friends, I can say that this method – the most effective and therefore, we can say popular.
5. Never scare a child with all sorts Barabashka and similar characters that scold, punish or take away capricious. He should not be afraid of anything. Intimidation tactics – not to close people! Although a friend of mine turns out perfectly to make a child-Nehochuha, for example, to eat this way. But for me this system is unacceptable.
5. It is important to find a compromise. If the child does not want to do something with you (to eat, to bathe, to measure clothing), do not make, and find out the reasons for refusal, offer it in other words later, or ask someone else to work your deputy. “You do not want to go swimming with me? Well, do not go! And then Dad can sit with you in the bathroom? “. Typically, this compromise the child agrees. Do not you think it is not difficult?
6. If all else fails, and the child is not only listening to you, but crying already, simply Stay close, he calms down. So, my friend’s daughter terribly upset when the boy took her a gurney, and cried for a long time. Neither persuasion nor the boy, who returned that same gurney, have not helped. She sat on the asphalt (well, that was warm) and whimpered. As a result, my mother took her in his arms and continued to communicate with me, my daughter soon calmed down and went on independently.
7. And finally, the most important thing, in my opinion, the rule is: do not put prohibitions, penalties and other similar measures, the child’s personality and his desire. Give him freedom in something, is learning the way to make decisions independently. After all, if he had come up with something to do, you will avoid a negative reaction to your words and stubbornness in achieving its goals.
Now explain this by examples. If you decide to make the child a gift, ask what he wants, and then go to the store with him.
Let him choose a toy, but he should remember that you can only take one thing, and do not buy the whole store. For other products from the catalog, you can promise to come next time, when there will be money.
I also advise you to allow your child to choose their own clothes, of course, if he wants it. My son is about 2.5 years, it has become a very “deal” in fashion: it is not will wear, the ugly, and this sweater pricked. If we were at home, where the choice of clothing is, I usually change one thing for another. But then it ceased to act: he did not like everything I suggested. Then I let the child to the chest and offered yourself to find his clothes. After about 5 minutes on the couch lay a set of things he liked, from which we have chosen together suitable, quietly and without controversy. And if the son suddenly brought incompatible wardrobe items (red-blue sweater and green-yellow pants and shirt and sports pants), we put it, came to the mirror, and I explained that it is ugly. Soon he grasped and now he says that what is suitable, and that – no!
Again, all of the third year of the crisis passes differently. Some moms drink valerian to calm down after the “concert” of their children, and some do nothing new child do not notice the behavior. And then, and then – not very good. It is better to see and understand what to do. Then, I say from my own experience, the crisis period will pass quickly enough. And perhaps you do not even notice how it will end. At least, none of the mothers with whom I spoke on the subject, could not say exactly when this period ended, it happened gradually.
Soon my son is three years old, and it seems to me the height of the crisis has passed. And it is especially nice that the child remained the same as it was. “Yes, he have an angel” – said recently about his brother, who has a child – the same age as my son. I wish and your babe could say only so and not otherwise!