“The best secret of a happy family life is a bad memory,” the Americans Donna and Day, who have lived together for 42 years, are sure. And it’s hard not to agree with them!
After all, if every day to show a partner, “Do you remember how you were 10 years ago …” – nothing good will come of it. However, this is not the only secret of family well-being!
Happy Family Secret No. 1: Correctly send messages
There are people who show their love in words. They say compliments, write love notes and call 20 times a day. And there are those who demonstrate their feelings with deeds – they invest their strength, skills and health in their family. Make sure your partner understands you – send the right messages and speak the same language!
Happy Family Secret No. 2: To desire and demand more
Many people are sure – their expectations of marriage are too high. But the results of research show: the more you expect from a partner, the more you get. Do not settle for a second-class marriage – demand the best!
Happy Family Secret No. 3: Do not play in silence
The famous psychologist John Gottman, the author of How to Keep Love in Marriage, advises couples not to play children’s games: “Always talk about what you feel, even if it can lead to conflict. Silence is one of the little things that can ruin your marriage. As long as you say, you trust. “
Happy Family Secret No. 4: Celebrate Good News
The more joy and pleasure in life together, the longer it takes. Howard Markman – a researcher of family relations from the University of Denver notes that divorce is usually thought of when there is more bad news. Celebrate every excellent news – it saves your marriage!
Happy Family Secret No. 5: Loving Loneliness
This does not mean that you need to spend your holidays and weekends away from your spouse, but it’s useful to spend a couple of hours a day or nights a year alone. “It helps to appreciate the partner more,” says travel journalist Joe Piazza and gets into the bull’s-eye. Cherish your relationship! Sometimes let go of each other!
Happy Family Secret No. 6: Dig in history
At the very beginning of the relationship, lovers behave like good friends – they go out together, spend time, talk. But in a marriage, it can go to the background. At first glance it seems that people are together, but in fact they are far apart. Try to be really close to your loved ones! Remember what you did right after dating and repeat! And then again and again!
Happy Family Secret No. 7: Follow the rule of 4 minutes
“Listen respectfully,” says Fred Sander, a psychologist and family counselor. “Let your partner speak, you will have time to respond!” If you listen to your wife for at least 4 minutes, you will find out what he feels and thinks.” Understanding strengthens marriage!
Happy Family Secret No. 8: Change the minus to plus
The professor of anthropology – Helen Fisher, the author of the book “Why do we love?”, Advises instead of digging into the shortcomings of a partner, talking about what you like about him. And do so after each quarrel. And when you calm down and change the minus to a plus, start solving problems. The most stable marriages are those in which the partners learned to talk about what they like each other.
Happy Family Secret No. 9: Do not criticize
Family life does not require the division of household duties. There is no male and female work. Everything must be done together. If the husband cooks dinner, his wife should wash the dishes, and vice versa. But one can’t criticize each other’s work! After all, it is designed to make you feel better. Appreciate it!
Happy Family Secret No. 10: Wake up with a light feeling
To meet a new day in a great mood, you need to go to bed with a light heart. And if suddenly you quarreled with your partner, be sure to reconcile before you go to bed. Or, at least, come to a compromise. Then the morning will be kind.
Happy Family Secret No. 11: Remember that both have a choice
A happy marriage is when a man and a woman remember that their halves have a choice. Often people who have lived together for 5, 10 and 15 years forget about this, believing that their partner will always be there, whatever happens and what they would not do. Partners should be grateful to each other for the relationship and do everything to keep them going.
Happy Family Secret No. 12: Smile more often
A smile sends a signal to the brain of emotional well-being – scientists believe. In addition, it reduces the level of the stress hormone – cortisol and increases life expectancy. Smile more often to your partner and get smiles in return! And you will live like a fairy tale – long and happy.
Happy Family Secret No. 13: Staying alone
Even if you have a child, this is no reason to forget about yourself and the relationship with your partner. Regularly go on dates, often get out in cafes and movies, visit music festivals and participate in quests. Do not hesitate to ask for help from relatives to sit with your child or hire a nanny. What spouses do together brings them together!
Happy Family Secret No. 14: Cooking pleasant surprises
Each day of life together, not just a holiday, New Year or Birthday – is ideal to please your partner. Do not necessarily give expensive gifts to show your love – surprises can be simple and even trivial. Breakfast in bed, a box of chocolates, an ordered dinner from a restaurant or a bouquet of wildflowers – pleasant surprises inspire.
Happy Family Secret No. 15: Timely close your eyes
Each person has one or two habits that can irritate the partner. Someone forgets to close the tube from the toothpaste, and another puts the socks not in the closet, but under the bed. But if you pay attention to every little thing, you will constantly quarrel, instead of enjoying the presence of each other. Let the partner be imperfect! You fell in love with him, so is it really a trifle, like a tube of toothpaste, can spoil everything?
Happy Family Secret No. 16: Do not give in to temptation
Tara Parker-Pole is the author of the book “To the best: how amazing results of scientific research can make your marriage happy”, says that in the life of every person there are situations when there is a temptation to deceive a partner. For example, change it. The most important thing is not to succumb to temptation! Remember the most pleasant moments of your family life – all good and beautiful, than you cherish. Love can overcome desire and passion!
Happy Family Secret No. 17: Do not cross the line
There is no family relationship in which there would not be quarrels. But each quarrel in a strong alliance has nothing to do with clarifying the relationship in a couple that is close to divorce. People who value their family never cross the line. They do not say offensive things that can prick or injure a partner, nothing that forever breaks into memory. Show respect to a loved one and be polite even in the heat of emotions – this is the key to happy family well-being.
Happy Family Secret No. 18: Read the tale for the night
“My husband and I take turns reading the fairy tale for the night to a child,” says Alice Bowman, author of the project “Long and Happy”, but one day my husband lay down next to me and listened to me reading to my daughter. It was a very sweet moment for all of us. Now we do it all the time. It only takes a few minutes, but we feel closer to each other at such moments. “
Happy Family Secret No. 19: Do not scold children
“Baby-candies” can bring a lot of trouble. The older they are, the more complex situations one has to face. But whatever the child has done, do not rush to scold him! Once the children grow up and leave their father’s house, and what happened within its walls will be remembered. Talk with the child on an equal footing, explain the actions and consequences, together look for a compromise! Then the “child” left in adulthood will necessarily return. Strong ties – one of the most effective secrets of family happiness.
Happy Family Secret No. 20: Remember: it will pass
King Solomon said: “Remember, this will pass!”. Whatever happened in your life, remember these words. Behind a black strip always comes white, it is necessary only to wait a little. Become a partner for a “stone wall” and help him overcome difficulties! If it is needed someday, he will answer the same. Good attracts good.
Happy Family Secret No. 21: Hugging each other
The closer the embrace and the passionate morning kiss, the more pleasant it is to return to your favorite hands. Talk to your partner in the body language, show feelings! After all, if you do not support love, it, like passion, can one day fade away.
Happy Family Secret No. 22: Count everything to a penny
Discussing plans for the future is a very fascinating activity. To make all desires fulfilled, you need to competently manage the family budget. Assuming income and expenses, you are approaching your plans. Discuss with the partner all the expenses and then you together can do more for your family.
Happy Family Secret No. 23: Go your own way
“There is no right or wrong way to build a family relationship,” says Dr. Phil, who has been happily married for 39 years. – Find your own path – something that will help you to become closer to your partner and happier.