I do not know if I have the right to teach other people how to raise children, if their own is not very good? But, in fact, I’m not going to teach anyone, but I just want to share my experience on how we solve the issue with the order in the house and cleaning. How to teach the child (children) to obey
The order itself does not exist, and I think this is an integral part of upbringing, because it requires both independence and accuracy, and caring for relatives. In the end, if you do not want to clean up for yourself, then make it pleasant for parents.
How to Teach Children About Obeying Rules
Firstly, the soul is really nice, if the house is clean.
Secondly, someone can always go in: parents, friends, but who knows who? But I must say that I did not always think so, especially in my childhood. I remember myself as a child, as my mother teach me clean, and I did not really like this job either. I did not care where there was anything, even on the road, you can overstep! But if you compare me and my children, it is of course more difficult for them, because they have more things than I had, probably once a hundred.
The disorder (in my understanding) is conditionally divided into two parts:
First: dust and dirt in the corners;
Second: scattered things.
In the first case – mine and vacuuming 1-2 times a week (about this below), in the second – daily, I’m not afraid of this word, work. And there is a simple rule: do not do “cleaning” work. Personally, I put all the things back in their places is not at all difficult, but here’s the kids …! Especially hard was when this year the youngest went to school.
The eldest son studies on the second shift, we are at work, and the whole day the children are left to themselves. Well, what order can we talk about? That’s where the problem arose not only of order, but also of independence. And this:
– Children should fill their bed with them;
– hang up after school;
– eat your own lunch;
– to do homework (at least for a younger one)
– and – maintain order in the house.
All September I came home and was horrified: the form was lying around, everything was scattered in the corridor on the floor, some papers, candy wrappers, toys, drops on the carpet in the children’s room, everything was turned upside down in the kitchen, dirty dishes in the kitchen. My mood immediately deteriorated, well, it’s unpleasant to come to a dirty apartment, because you leave to work from a fairly cleaned, and come hunting in a clean and cozy apartment. Our dad, a natural tutor, was especially upset. He began to get angry, shout and even grab the belt, which, in general, we have not accepted.
The evening in such cases was very gloomy. At the same time, I called home from work five times a day and tried to direct me remotely: “Son, did you eat?”, “Son, did you hang your uniform?” He replies: “Yes, yes, Mom, I have no time, I did.” In the evening, nothing was done.
We tried to figure out what went all day? Naturally, the computer and TV.
TV dad detached from the cable, on the third day little guessed where the TV “broke”. Without a computer, life was very difficult. There were tears. I felt sorry for them, try it, sit for 5 hours in silence and alone. We agreed that children will play one hour a day. The husband has established parental control on the computer. So one problem became less.
But with cleanliness the problem remained the same. I was already practically desperate to change something and teach my children to obey how my husband offered a way out. He remembered how in his childhood, when his child was taught to order, his mother left a note with an assignment. The children immediately picked up this idea, prepared paper and magnets. I wrote down all the tasks on the points and, not really believing in the success of this venture, stuck a note on the door.
The same evening, opposite each item, there was a green tick and a painting. And the house was clean.
On the second day I wrote a new note, in the evening the painting was near each item, but it also turned out that almost everything was done by the eldest son. Little asked for a separate sheet with assignments. I wrote to him just one task, “clean floor in the hall.” The next day I did not write a note, but it was clean again at home. In the evenings, they even figured out how beautiful it was to lay cushions on the couch. Try this method, maybe it will work in your family.
And now about dust and dirt. Again, in my memories from childhood, when I just hated Sunday (because I had to clean all day, wash the floors, wash), I try not to load the day off with cleaning. I prefer to clean up twice a week, on Monday and on Thursday in the evenings. And it is better to take everything together and do everything together.
Once, during the harvest, we had a game. Sons are ordinary, I’m the commander-in-chief. I give out specific instructions that the children understand. For each executed order I raise in a rank.
For example, I say to the younger “commanding” voice: “Wipe the dust off the TV.” He answers “There are!”, Runs, wipes. He runs back, reports: “Your order is fulfilled!”, I check, I praise and raise in rank. There was an ordinary sergeant.
Then he wiped the dust off the shelves, became a junior lieutenant, collected toys – just a lieutenant, vacuumed – a major, and we reach the marshals, considering that their two, it turns out, about 20 specific cases they did. At this time I am fumbling in the kitchen, and they fix the whole apartment. I can only wash the floors. For the whole cleaning takes no more than 3 hours.
In general, I came to the conclusion that children perceive only specific and understandable instructions, just say “get out” is useless, it is better to indicate specific actions.
For myself, I determined some peculiarities of children’s behavior so that they obeyed and fulfilled their duties, and I did not have to spend my nerves on it. I determined that they respond from the first time, when I call for food, to watch something interesting and in the pool, for the rest, they almost never immediately react. In such cases, I make a warning, for example: “Ten minutes later you go to do the lessons.” Ten minutes later, if I did not go myself, I come up, take my hand and lead, usually there are no protests and the lessons are done pretty quickly. So it is with the other errands. To this approach, I did not come immediately. It used to be that I say some kind of remark or instruction, but nobody reacts to me, at best they raise their head, say “Now” and calmly do their own business, even if it’s a matter of “lying on the bed.”
She began to raise her voice, get irritated, yell, eventually, and only then did something happen. And every time I had to scream louder and longer, every time I felt humiliated, because the children reacted only after a burst of my negative emotions, and before that I was like an empty place.
It’s hard to feel like a useless “talking”, an empty place and to tears, offended by their indifference, and then, when they grow up, how can I influence them? After all, by the time they ignored my mother, they would finally get used to it. Therefore, I stopped screaming and began to look for other ways. When you give the task, no one will react instantly, because this is work, not entertainment. It is necessary to give time to tune and, accordingly, to finish the current case. If at this time they watch cartoons, I give the time to the end of the cartoon, if you play in the computer, I give 5-10 minutes.
Generally, the educating young children such a thing that when you start to think about it, you realize that you need to educate yourself first of all. After all, in fact, children copy their parents, especially at an early age, it is clearly visible. We can’t notice any of their shortcomings, and the kids show it all as a copy.
In education, I somehow always focused on my internal attitudes, it’s good, it’s bad, it’s necessary, and so it’s impossible. But I know for sure that children need to love and pamper in a good way, and you can’t beat in any case.