If there is a sense of guilt, whether happiness is possible? What is happiness for a person? How to be happy? And whether a person can be happy, if it has a sense of guilt for their lives, for their actions, their choices and their desires? How can we talk about happiness and inner peace if guilt is constantly interferes enjoy life?
We are not alone in this world, we live in a society. We are surrounded by family, friends, acquaintances at work, studies in the general enthusiasm, and a mass of unfamiliar people. And of course, we somehow have to get along, to adapt to each other. But, as you can often see that a person becomes dependent on the opinions, desires and needs of others. And how to be happy, if you find yourself constantly under the influence of public opinion, constantly someone “should”, “shall” do something because of family ties, out of politeness, because many generations have done so, etc. etc. Constantly presses and presses guilt. And it is not haunted by the thought that you are to blame to someone or ourselves.
And yet, even though we live among the people, even though we have so many in the world and we are all interconnected, and each person living their own lives and in this life he has only one person – himself, moreover must make yourself happy! He will be able to make yourself happy – and others will be able to give happiness. Will not be able to get rid of guilt and self-doubt, do not understand how to be happy and will remain unhappy all his life, in this case, such a person can give to others? The question, as they say, is rhetorical.
Feelings of Guilt and what it brings us.
The most simple: a person has a familiar (at work, at the institute, general studies). Moreover, there is the familiar – not bad, even nice people, but those with whom good exchange a few sentences, discuss common topics, but not anymore. And now such a familiar calling you to come and visit (birthday weekend to the country, etc.), you kind of do not have much desire and interest, but is awkward to refuse, especially like working together in a rush jobs together and at a volunteer with the windows washed – seems to communicate. And you go, and frankly bored and spoil your evening, but at home waiting for a favorite book, movie, dinner with a favorite. Why, they ask, would go ahead if not want to – to deny it was inconvenient? Here you have a clear example feelings of guilt and its manifestations.
Okay. It’s a little familiar. And how to be able to defend its interests and does not infringe on others? For example, a friend name in the dance club? Ay you tomorrow a day off, you are very tired at work and want peace? Do you dream of quiet walk in the evening with a loved one on the embankment and go to sleep, tomorrow to sleep, do everything you need around the house, and the whole day from the balcony to watch the green streets, drink tea and read.
But this friend, they offended, called a homebody, say that because of the guy (girl) you did not go with them, and then all would be less call himself. And you go. Come home in the morning, from the loud music and smoky air of the club head hurts, I want to perestirat clothing and wash it all to yourself.
Then sleep until dinner, do not have time to redo all cases, read articles that have long wanted to read, and now again have not read. Background crushes a general feeling of fatigue in the body, and the output is coming to an end. it was necessary to someone? You? Yes, not particularly, because you are all in silence wanted to spend the day. Girlfriends? Well, true friends understand, go to the club at this time without you, and when it will stand out a few days off and be in the right mood, you own them and collect will be fun and have fun, so that for a long time remember this evening.
And if friends are not true, then do what it was about? And today is not in vain inner voice was against it. But you go, you have obeyed the guilt – and here’s the result.
Or here’s another thing: do you have a friend (relative, friend, etc.), who loves to complain about life and you chose “his personal adviser” .I know from personal experience that there are quite depressed people, they think that “life is not fair to them,” they believe that “they have a lot of problems and all but they are to blame for these problems,” they even ask for advice, but, as a rule, more than complain about than something real in my life.
I had plenty of friends, I think, and you had or have to deal with similar facial features of people. And you, as a personal “consultant”, over and over again to listen to such “miraculous” friends (of course, because a person “bad”, it is necessary to support and console), the more you are flattered that you are seeing the potential of the psychologist and it is you ask advice. But, oddly enough, you are talking here in large numbers are oppressed, we pulled out of the power, and you are not happy with themselves assigned to you missions. But to deny something like? After all, people count on you, and he has already used that can come to you at any time for help.
For me, this communication ended before the loss of personal time and energy (on how to improve and how to increase energy, read the article the author’s Manalaa http://www.9gac.com/1085 ), I did not have time to do some important things to me, I have a bad mood, headache, and sometimes it seemed to me, after these conversations, that the world really is quite unfair and joyless – uh, do this was that ?! And who needs it? Well, certainly not ourselves. I’m not saying that it is not necessary to provide support to relatives, friends and acquaintances. I’m just saying that there are people who seem to enjoy the role of martyrs, but they really are not ready to change your life, it is important to speak out, pour on you negative emotion – and it is good again, and you are “sick” afterwards.
A very wise man said that if the suffering is inevitable – a better one non-private person than two. He also said that the real help to these people about whom it is written above – it does not give them the help and support of their depression, and more their energy. – Wise and true words!
Yet there is a dependency (guilt, from which should get rid) of the public opinion and the image on which society lives. And how to be happy, if you constantly think about what will tell others about you? For example, many of us believe that money should be earned persistent, hard work, there is even a kind of merit and pochotnost to stay at work, take work home, and do, come home frustrated and tired – so you ‘good work, then you’re done, you work. ” And what’s good about the fact that people can not cope with their work within the allotted time, and does not know how to analyze, organize and carry out tasks more effectively ?!
And people sometimes do not even hesitate to adopt this image of themselves and live the same way. But this is a question of priorities. If you are in the first place career or do you find in his work a real pleasure, the creative process and self-realization, then yes, you may need and want to stay at work, take work home and devote their activities long, long time. But, as often happens, our true desires and our other priorities: family, home, personal time, personal development, recreation, sport, so you never know what else? Then, I think, for you will not have the valor to process, fall to the ground, coming home later possible. Just ask yourself – Do I want it or are so accustomed to live and to do a lot, and I just copy their behavior without thinking ?!
Or do we put ourselves in a rigid frame, thinking a child, that person must go through a certain way of life – school, college, work. And all the other options – a deviation from the norm. But life, each individual life – individual and flexible. Everyone has their own path and their development. Enrolling at one time in one college and a few years later, in the process of learning realized it was not mine. Received education in one specialty, parallel studying and working on a completely different direction, and then, at the end of the institute, a year later moved to another city, and entered in a completely different university – and finally now, after many years, I understand that finally I’m here!! And as happens to people during this time of searching and understanding of “advisers and well-wishers’ that will not miss the occasion to express their” correct “opinion. And then it turns out that the one who zealously tried to just keep you in the place that he – and the miserable. He could not muster the courage lazy its time to change your life, and now tries to keep the development of the people who seek happiness and to improve themselves and their lives. So, is it worth listening to advisers and go at them on occasion?
In fact, similar examples can be driven a lot and have each their own. The essence of one – each person can only live your life! We are all individual, each of us has his principles, habits, priorities, goals and dreams. Therefore, there is no single solution for all, and we must seek your own. But to do that we must constantly ask – what I want, that it is necessary to me that would make me happy ?!
Also, do not forget more and that most of the people, which is something you offer, advise, demand something from you, ask for – most of these people are advised, based on their experience, ask for something for yourself, It requires that they need to offer what they themselves feel good. And where you here ?! If your interests and principles are the same – great. But it is always worth thinking – maybe the other person wants something just for himself, but I do not need? In such a case, where in all of this I? What do you need me ?!
Do not forget that if you are sincerely want to share something with people, it is best to share the good, to share joy and happiness. You can not share what you do not have the most!
Just finding happiness for yourself, we can make happy and the people around us. Only with the happiness of successful experience, the ability to create their own welfare – we will be able to share all of this with the world around us, with those who are committed to the development and the same success and prosperity. And bearing in mind the dissatisfaction and anger, that in this case we can give to others? – The answer is obvious.
First of all, make happy ourselves, and only then, if possible, you can share with others. Ask yourself often, what you do want and what you need for you. Get rid of guilt and be happy! But just do not forget that in order to be happy and to get rid of guilt, it is necessary to develop the confidence and self-esteem.